


Don't fall into your doubt

by pressured (NewBeginnings)



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, S03e08, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-10 19:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18667087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewBeginnings/pseuds/pressured
Summary: Matteo reaches out.





	Don't fall into your doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Written and set after Zwischen Jungs (Dienstag 17:42) because it’s getting weird. Title from Autopilot by Kodaline.

He tries writing it down.

Thinking really hard about what he can say, what he should say, he keeps staring at words, deleting them and typing them in again, and saving the note a few times because even though he doesn’t like the result so far, he doesn’t want to try to recreate the text again if— if his phone was to die suddenly or if someone interrupted him or —

The result is this long, cold text which looks like Matteo tries to find excuses for himself. Which he kind of does, because he’s not able to figure out himself why he didn’t reach out to David in these couple of days. “My brain screams at me to do it but I can’t pick up the phone and I don’t want to hurt you any more and I’m doing exactly that but I can’t make myself to text you”? No. You don’t write that to a person who just told you something important. You don’t make it about you. And that’s not really a reason.

He tries breaking the message into parts but likes it even less. He doesn’t want to double text, and in one message with paragraphs it looks too formal. Matteo doesn’t want formal. He wants to scream “Please just come back” but he very well can’t, can he?

Still, he copies the whole thing into the chat with David. Reads it again and again. Deletes it. Closes the app and then rushes to open it again.

Will it be too bad to simply send a heart emoji?

He looks at the keyboard. He thinks about David’s face, David’s voice when he told him, really nervous and slow and almost at the edge of crying. He never wants to see David looking like that.

David was scared to tell him. But he did it anyway.

Abruptly getting up, he puts his phone in the pocket and almost jogs to the front door. The wish to see David, to tell him everything, to hold him close if he lets him and maybe to kiss him — the wish makes his heart beating faster and louder right into his ears. It feels like he can run straight to David’s house.

He can’t, though. He can’t just go there unannounced. What if David isn’t home? What if David doesn’t want to see him? What if Laura doesn’t let him in, again?

He walks slowly back to his room and closes the door. He opens WhatsApp again. And holds his finger on the screen.

“Hi? Sorry, I don’t usually send audio messages but I don’t-“

Nope. Who cares? It’s not about him.

“Na. I wanted to text you but I don’t know exactly what to say so I’ll just-“

And he really, really doesn’t know what to say.

Matteo holds his breath, counting seconds. Now he really feels like he’s underwater. That day he was drifting, too, away from reality, and almost got lost in his thoughts before David pulled back him in.

David isn’t here now.

And Matteo must fix it.

“I’m sorry it took me so long. I tried to look for, erm, I tried to research but there’s a lot of stuff that is, like, ‘not everyone’, and all I get is that no one can really know how someone else feels so I… Yeah. I want to talk to you. Can I talk to you? I miss you so much. Are you… Will you meet me? I should’ve just called you on Saturday. I’m sorry. Er, hi, by the way. And bye.”

He lets it go out there. The message doesn’t get marked read as soon as his previous messages did but David isn’t online, so it’s okay. Probably. Matteo takes a deep breath again. Was he rambling? As he was talking he was sure it was pretty much coherent but now his mind is blank. What did he say? Why the fuck did he say hi at the very end?

What didn’t he say?

Wait.

“I like you so much, too. I’m sorry I didn’t say it.”

That’s better.

But he still should’ve said it back then. And he should have texted him a few days ago. What did David say, “contact me if you want to”? He wanted, he wanted so much, and what if by now David thinks he doesn’t-

His phone chimes.

He closes his eyes for a second, swallows and looks down at it.


End file.
